Peace...... Real Peace

I was visiting this church and I felt something, something real something I haven't felt in a very long time.... it was peace.... more like PEACE. I am a naturally high strung person, I play cool always but I usually am more stressed than I care to share, and I think that is because it is clearly my struggle; no one has time for what I have going on.  Well I felt that peace when the choir was singing so I knew that I needed to come back.  I felt a little lost when the pastor began preaching and using analogies that made me a bit uncomfortable, but alas he was a visiting pastor, and I had heard the real pastor preach several times so I knew it would be something that I could follow better.  So I came back and all I can say is that every Sunday I am in the place I feel as though the Spirit is speaking directly to me.  I sit by a friend, but I am going to have to stop because some people, even though I love them make it hard for me to concentrate.  I don't talk during church, I leave my phone in the car. I just do not need any extra distractions.... As I previously stated I have too much on my mind already... But I am really feeling good about my life today; even though it totally sucks.  I made the decision to take a year (at least) of celibacy, I am not saying I don't have problems but I know that forming these attachments to people who don't have the same attachments to me it not good. For me sex is so much more than the meaningless act many have made it to be..... I am not knocking you if you get it in; but I know that for me that is just now where it is..... I am generally the one who ends up with my heart hurting behind someone who could care less...... I will remain detached this year, I need time to focus on what is important to me...... I have stated previously that all this time I have been my own problem and I meant it. I have been holding me back, dealing with men who are clearly not equally yoked.  Dealing with people who are clearly not cut from the same cloth as I am..... Light should have no dealings with darkness.  I know that I have noy been growing in the right directions; but I am here making changes.  It all came from that peace. I am not sweating the small things or the big things,  I can't change a lot of that stuff so why worry with it.  I am only concerned with loving my child and loving myself..... Furthermore a lot of people don't care whether I fail or not..... I don't know if you get where i'm coming from or not; but it really wasn't meant for all that now was it..... I love you and thanks for reading..... as always Peace and Much LOVE to ya!!