Busy Busy Busy

Man I am so tired.... Ohh my goodness; I think I might just be getting old! I remember how I used to stay out all night; get up early the next day and still not be tired; but I only stayed out until 2 and I was exhausted. I did it 2 nights in a row but I was still EXHAUSTED. I can tell I'm getting old to cause I keep referring to when I was younger. Bleh.... moving right along; I was recently was reading a blog about how if Ashley Stewart didn't make cute big girl clothes there would be no big girls.  I think they have a point there. Being a bigger girl; if there wasn't cute clothes for me I'd probably loose some weight.  Well outside of that I gave up meat; I feel better now; I mean like much much better. I have been really trying to get my ass up and run at 5 am but I am very tired frequently ( another sign of old age -_-) Anywho.... I'm going to make a conscientious effort to get up and run the track by my house; I always feel better when its done. Also 4 court cases all during the same amount of time is getting old. I'm going to have to get this divorce completed; child support and custody completed; damn seat belt from a hating cop settled and my excess case.... BLEH!! I just realized I'm almost down to 20 months; for what you may ask... a BIG move and also I need to be down to my ideal size @ that point.... So I mean I basically changing my life around. I just wish I had a good man to share it with some times. Not that I need a man, but good sex + companionship could really be an incentive to dealing with a man...... IDK guys ya'll know I love 'em, leave 'em but I don't fucking need 'em.... Keep ya head up people's.... I'm kinda sad today 14 years ago my boo went missing.. Tupac Amaru Shakur; I won't dwell on it, just know that I miss him.... and I love him...
~Peace and much love to ya! 
Bliss

As we proceed......

I'm here. Sometimes I feel like people; you know what I'm about to talk only about me and if it relates to you, then you are welcome to comment or feel me if you feel me. So I've been contemplating buying a new car. And I have decided against it. It is nice to want new and very nice things in your life.  But damn I don't want my money gone like that. I want to move; I want to vacation, I want to do things; but hmm my car is already paid off; It really needs less work than what a down payment cost. I am thinking this people; I am fine with the car that I have its old; it needs some work but its much smarter financially to get it just fixed. I want a new car; but I want to spend and save more than I want that new car. No one taught me how to save, hell no one taught me anything about finances; this has been a real learning experience. I don't feel bad about making a better decision. I'm going to take my car to get fixed tomorrow; I have the money so there is no reason why I shouldn't get it done. I am in serious need of  doing things better. Like seriously. If I have a new car I'll only be showing off money I could be saving so I can buy something off the lot paid in full; minus the finance charges. My credit score is about to soar.  I don't want to put myself in a financial bind anymore; I don't want to struggle no more. I know for me there is always a race to zero; even when I'm just trying to pay my bills on time; I just feel the need to get it all paid so I can back at zero, where I feel comfortable. I opened a savings account and I actually have money that has gone untouched in it. I have enough money to actually go do something.  I just see the serious error in financing anything, not now that I have a kid and I need to think of her future and my future; hell there are always times when some one needs some money; that someone is usually me; but I'd love to be able to give it if it wasn't me. Let me say this I can afford a car note; but I can afford to fix the car I have and keep saving like I have a car note and when the time is right just buy something!! Well I have been really been changing my life day by day. I don't want to do anything that will offset that. Moving forward is hard but in the end it pays much more. Trust me; I have been paying attention to the rich man; he has taught me well. And I thank him for teaching me..... Nice things are nice; but enjoying the love and the people around you is a greater blessing. Thank you God for sending this insightful blessing to me.

~Peace and much love to you....
Bliss

Taking it one day at a time.

I get tired of worrying about what others think of me.  I feel like this is the best place to start for me.  I feel like I have been drowning my entire life. I have been trying to please people my entire life and it has only brought me down; trying to give everyone everything I thought that they could need; as long as it was within my realm I would have done it. I thought that by making other people happy I was making myself happy. I was only tearing myself down further; killing myself more and more everyday. I am at the point of change in my life; I know that change is the only constant thing in life; so all I can say is that recently I have seen the error in my ways and I know that I have been the only problem in my life. I don't want to blame things on others because they can only do to us what we allow them to do.  And I had allowed them to do anything to me; allowed myself to be taken advantage of; allowed others to determine what would go on in my life. But recently I have taken control over my life. I have a daughter she's 17 months old and how would I feel if she allowed herself to be taken advantage of; if she lived her life the way I do. I would be upset because I know that I raised her better than that! I can't say if I was raised better; I feel sometimes I was exposed to far too much as a child. My mother was young when she had me so I guess sometimes people  need more time to grow and mature. I am glad that I waited some time to have her; I'm 25 and I'm now in control of what happens to me. I love the new life that I am living. I don't take no for an answer unless I want to.......
Peace and much love to ya!