Count Down

So I don't frequently mention my count down unless you are very close to me. I have 18 months until I leave this place that I live in.  I feel like slave in my own home.  It is so bad some days; some days it is not so bad.  So I keep telling myself I have 18 months to get it completely together.  I have several major issues and the most of them stem from my problem with self control.  I feel as though because I work hard I should be able to do anything that I want.  The problem is that recently outside of slaving behind these children (keep in mind only one of them is mine) I am not working.  I am in school full time but I am used to working.  But since I was pregnant I had Ashtyn I haven't really worked that hard; I am very focused on school because I need to finish to show my daughter that nothing can stop you from what ever you want to do.  My other major issue is my problem with follow through; I can start anything with much gusto; but when it comes time to finish or follow up I have a hard time doing so. So I have been thinking about this issues that I have with me; and I keep knowing that I am better than this, but why oh why can't I get that through my own head.  I keep telling myself I have got to do better; but I never get exactly where I need to be; because I can't follow through.  I am 25; I am not 20 and I am not 30; I know that if I keep down the same path that I am on I will end up in destruction.  I have been getting much better; even though I feel like a slave; I would much rather things get done around the house; and oh what a huge house it is than to live in filth. So for the next 18 months I will be slaving; in everything I do; to see the results.  I have a surgery on the 11th of February; and after I have recovered I will be getting a gym membership so that I can start working out.  I have been doing school work on time; studying during the day when I don't have the kids loving my daughter and the additional kids when I they are home.  I will be working on me for the next 19 months; finish school; buy some stuff for my house in WV; find a job out there, so that when I move I will be able to love my life in my own home with my child who I adore. I am confident in myself; i just have to stay on top of what i got going.  I guess the hardest thing is worrying about everything that I have going on and a little less of what everyone else has going on.  If I can keep my mind focused on my issues I should be able to finish everything I have going on; less of everybody else and more of me.  Do you know how hard this is gonna be for me?? Very because i feel like my whole life I have been brought up with the notion of as long as I am able I should be helping others. And this is a serious rule that my family lives by this rule to the soul; and if you are close to me than you know I mean it; but I guess I never thought about it like I can't help anyone if I am living under a bridge.. now that is food for thought.  I want something that is equal; and by that I mean in a relationship.  I know I don't need a man right now and I pray to god that I don't find the man that is for me right now because I am a flipping mess and I would be no good to any other person (outside of my child and these kids that are here) .... I need some serious me time to get back to me.... Get back to some place I have never been..... So I have 18 months; ask me how I'm doing in 6 months, 1 year and then 18 months I am sure I will have some updates for ya'll!! Pray for me and I'll do the same for you!!

As always Peace and much love to ya! 

Podcast show!!

SO I recently joined the cast of a podcast show. I realized that I am hella funny!! AS if there was ever any doubt. check it out @ www.demboyzmusic.com under podcasts....... Start with Episode 17 thats my first episode.................. In other news  I am trying to enjoy this life that I have while I have it.  I have made a serious game plan. I know where I am headed and that makes me very happy. I daily track my goals against themselves.  I am glad to be finishing up some of these court cases; Thank God for showing me your mercy and grace... I could've been no where but thank God I am somewhere! I have been contemplating joining a gym because I do want to make very drastic changes in my life. I have mentally made my mind up so now its just to whip my physical into shape; luckily I keep my body in check.  I am happy to say that the little one I love the most has been speaking more; I know its all down hill from here; I truly cherish these moments because I know that they will be short lived.  I am still loving my single life!! I am not actively dating, if someone asks me depending on the day I may or may not accept it.  I am sticking to my no sex in 2011!! Not that I have dated anyone who I thought might even be a good enough match for me.... I'm still laid off and i'll probably go back to work in Feb or March; I need to get my money together for this BIG move!!! I am ecstatic about the way things have the potential to go. I am trying to stay on track with everything I got going.  No one said it was going to be easy..... hell we don't even have a promise on how long its going to be... On another note I will be working on some things t make my blog more exciting; cause I know my life is boring as hell right now!!


As always peace and much love to ya 

Some things I've been meaning to get off my chest!!

I am so tired of women who are letting men do what ever they want, just to say they have a man.  I am so so not with it!! I was inclined to believe that men were dogs, but I know that not all men are dogs, just some of them are, but why are they dogs? Cause women are running around here with no standards. Working so their man can stay home and play video games. not work and not take care of the kids.  I know men, real men want to take care of their women and children; but why this is no longer the norm?? I am a woman, I cook I clean, I take excellent care of my child and myself.  I sometimes cringe at the thought of settling ever again.  I was married, worst thing I could have ever done with my free time.  I was married to a man who quit his job shortly after we got married, he did not have a back up job, just decided it would be best to quit; and let me handle all the bills. That was highly suspicious, but I let him make it, this is how I am sure I was young and dumb, because had I been a little bit more seasoned I would've kicked him to the curb, got an annulment and ran the other direction as quickly as possible... but I stayed until he started hanging out a bit too much, so I just packed all his things, the few he had any how and dismissed him.  Now I am just now officially getting a divorce for several reasons, all of which are my own personal business... but Women it is really time to stop settling and make these men be men. .. Excuse me MISS, Ma'am you're desperation is showing!!! And it just ain't pretty!!