Count Down

So I don't frequently mention my count down unless you are very close to me. I have 18 months until I leave this place that I live in.  I feel like slave in my own home.  It is so bad some days; some days it is not so bad.  So I keep telling myself I have 18 months to get it completely together.  I have several major issues and the most of them stem from my problem with self control.  I feel as though because I work hard I should be able to do anything that I want.  The problem is that recently outside of slaving behind these children (keep in mind only one of them is mine) I am not working.  I am in school full time but I am used to working.  But since I was pregnant I had Ashtyn I haven't really worked that hard; I am very focused on school because I need to finish to show my daughter that nothing can stop you from what ever you want to do.  My other major issue is my problem with follow through; I can start anything with much gusto; but when it comes time to finish or follow up I have a hard time doing so. So I have been thinking about this issues that I have with me; and I keep knowing that I am better than this, but why oh why can't I get that through my own head.  I keep telling myself I have got to do better; but I never get exactly where I need to be; because I can't follow through.  I am 25; I am not 20 and I am not 30; I know that if I keep down the same path that I am on I will end up in destruction.  I have been getting much better; even though I feel like a slave; I would much rather things get done around the house; and oh what a huge house it is than to live in filth. So for the next 18 months I will be slaving; in everything I do; to see the results.  I have a surgery on the 11th of February; and after I have recovered I will be getting a gym membership so that I can start working out.  I have been doing school work on time; studying during the day when I don't have the kids loving my daughter and the additional kids when I they are home.  I will be working on me for the next 19 months; finish school; buy some stuff for my house in WV; find a job out there, so that when I move I will be able to love my life in my own home with my child who I adore. I am confident in myself; i just have to stay on top of what i got going.  I guess the hardest thing is worrying about everything that I have going on and a little less of what everyone else has going on.  If I can keep my mind focused on my issues I should be able to finish everything I have going on; less of everybody else and more of me.  Do you know how hard this is gonna be for me?? Very because i feel like my whole life I have been brought up with the notion of as long as I am able I should be helping others. And this is a serious rule that my family lives by this rule to the soul; and if you are close to me than you know I mean it; but I guess I never thought about it like I can't help anyone if I am living under a bridge.. now that is food for thought.  I want something that is equal; and by that I mean in a relationship.  I know I don't need a man right now and I pray to god that I don't find the man that is for me right now because I am a flipping mess and I would be no good to any other person (outside of my child and these kids that are here) .... I need some serious me time to get back to me.... Get back to some place I have never been..... So I have 18 months; ask me how I'm doing in 6 months, 1 year and then 18 months I am sure I will have some updates for ya'll!! Pray for me and I'll do the same for you!!

As always Peace and much love to ya!