Monday, December 6, 2010

These are the days of my life....

The Saturday after Thanksgiving my paternal grandfather died; Its not that we were close its that he is my flesh and blood and he is no loner here. There are things that I will never get back from him. I remember he took me fishing, I loved it, he got mad when I had to pee, because I was such a little diva even at 8 that I couldn't go in the woods, we had to dock the boat and find a potty for me and then go back, needless to say he was upset; but not upset enough to never take me again.  I love my family they love me.... The next few days at work I felt sad and depressed, I was feeling pretty low because my grandfather was dead and my father was hurting. The next few days passed in some kind of whirlwind; and then I was laid off. I was the first and I was the first and my feelings were hurt because I loved that flippin job!!! I mean I liked that there wasn't very many people there and I learned several capacities while there. But alas I was laid off and denied unemployment a few days later. I feel almost sad; but I joined the church last Sunday and that was very exciting for me. The Pastor preached on having hope coming out of a very hopeless situation. At this time I could feel as though I am in a very desperate situation, I could feel like I am hopeless; but I know that there is something better out there for me in.  A position that will be more closely related to field. Actually as I was sitting in the pew listening to the sermon, I was sitting next to a friend (who I happen to be in love with but that my friends is for a different blog); and he nudged me because there is a dream that I felt would be out of reach because of where I was.  I felt like I wasn't going to be able to complete my dream because I am a single parent and instead of chasing my dreams, I should settle down and try to make sure my child can attain all of her dreams. I am not sure why my life has to be so difficult to me; but I only work well under complete disarray. What I'm going to do is spend this month to finalize all the things that I need to get done. And move forward in a more structured life; I have to be that "Superwoman"; I am made divinely, and I intend to put my best foot forward for me and my daughter who is looking up to me every step of the way.  This life is not for the faint of heart; it is for the strong in battle.  I love that my life is basically @ Rock Bottom but I am not sad; I am me, working my way from the bottom up; what I don't want to do is to keep this vicious cycle up.  Life is hard enough without ending up in the bottom loop. Love me for who I am or leave me.
Peace and Much Love to ya!!

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